Too Old For This

Overdone and smug as hell, the Hipster Irritation article is hopefully on its way out. How do legit publications allow their authors to be too cool for people they think feel they’re too cool for other people. Is it the ultimate expression of hipsterdom to deny hipsterdom? Embrace it, assholes. Every group in every age, particularly if it involves a younger crowd, dresses alike, listens alike, reads alike, and eats alike. I don’t write articles complaining about how normies go to clubs, so stop pretending like you discovered anthropology and tell us exactly what it is that we’re supposed to be wearing. God, I know, it’s so annoying that this huge group of people doesn’t just wear whatever jeans it is that YOUR group wears. You’re just minding your own business, going to your own bar, and somewhere you just KNOW that some fashion-forward jerk is drinking a PBR. The unfairness of it all! 

From where I sit, no one’s trying to figure out why a stubborn strain of people tries so hard to go home and watch Dancing with the Stars, so I’m going to go ahead and just assume that by now you’re extending me the same courtesy. I’ll keep listening to whatever I want, wearing what I want, and sure as hell eating whatever I want. Give it an hour and then send a text from your iPhone to mine, letting me know if you’re having trouble sleeping, and then I promise that tomorrow I will become a better person who’s as much like you as I can manage.