Too Old For This

bajillionhits:

There’s a dirty little loophole on the Internet just waiting to be penetrated and exploited. Thanks to a social net called Kickstarter, you can currently trick hipsters into giving you real money to “fund” a “project” you want to “create”.

Basically, you make a MySpace page for pretty much any half-baked idea that comes into your brain, then start asking random strangers on the Internet for cash to support it, and then rich people who have run out of ways to dispose of their income in an appropriately cool manner will actually pay you to make it happen, but you can just take their money and do nothing (because who’s gonna bust you, the Kickstarter police?). Pretty genius stuff.

I know what you’re thinking: I’d love to free up a new revenue stream by relieving a few trust fund kids of their parents’ cash, but just one problem: I don’t have any ideas. Well, since I’m such a nice guy, I’ve come up with 15 artsy-sounding pitches that will work wonderfully for pan-handling on Kickstarter. Give them a try!

1. Starting a freak-folk jugband called “Arugula” that creates hauntingly lush sonic landscapes using instruments made entirely from locally-sourced food items found at a farmer’s market. 

2. Mounting a mural on the side of the New York Public Library that is a giant finger-painting of the blogosphere.

3. Self-publishing an art photography book about women staring at their vaginas, but they are holding mirrors over them, so really they are staring at themselves staring at their vaginas, but then we’re all staring at them. (Think about it.)

4. Writing a 9000-word wank-off essay in a literary journal about hipsters and who they are and what they mean and how we’re all one and why they don’t matter.

5. Starting a viral “Fuck Yeah” Tumblr-turned-book-deal in which photos are hilariously captioned with deadpan irony in a knowing, insidery comedic voice.

6. Creating a new brand of environmentally-sustainable luxury soap made using re-scented feces from a miniature pot-bellied pig named Waldorf.

7. Publishing a boutique alt-comic strip about socially-awkward artsy kids who just don’t fit in.

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